We’ve had a few…problems, for lack of a better word, at home the past few days. Ainsley was supposed to pick up his medicine a few days ago, but was unable to do so, and, as a result, skipped taking his pills all together. Of course, when he does that, all the voices become more intense and, from what I understand, he has trouble differentiating between the real world and what’s in his head.
It so happened that his head was telling him that I was…well, I’m not entirely sure. It was something not so good about me though, I know that much. I know it had to do with who I was with that evening, though I don’t intend to name him here. Ainsley attacked me shortly after I got home. The entire event was a disaster. I convinced him to go to bed and slept on the couch, which never ends well for me (I wake up sore if I don’t sleep in a bed).
When Ainsley takes his medication, I do trust him, which is saying a lot, as I tend to not trust other people. When he doesn’t take it, however, I find it hard not to be cautious around him. He’s significantly larger than I am, so physical defense is not an ideal option. He can’t be reasoned with when he’s in the midst of an episode either, so my best option is to try and leave until he calms down, which is usually a course of action that is unavailable when I need it.
I know Ainsley feels bad about everything. He’s been doing all the chores around the house all week without being asked or complaining. He’s even been doing his best to keep things clean to my standards, which are much higher than his, I can assure you. In his own way, he’s trying to make up for what happened, and I understand that. Still, it is hard to stop being careful around him. That will go away in time though. It always does.